THERE are certain things that only seem to happen in the world of cycling. The Tour de France was won by Floyd Landis, an American who has the legs of a god and the hip of an arthritic pensioner . Landis, who will undergo a hip replacement operation at the age of 30, subsequently fell foul of drug testing.

Yet cycling continues to thrive, boasting two trump cards no other spectator sport can match.

One: Watching a race is free. Two: You’ll never be able to play at the Nou Camp but you can ride on exactly the same roads the world’s best cyclists use – and in just over a month’s time you’ll be able to do that in Kent.

On September 2, the fifth stage of the Tour of Britain will be held between Rochester and Canterbury. The World Road Race champion, Belgian Tom Boonen is a confirmed starter, as is Germany’s Andreas Kloden, third behind Landis in this year’s Tour.

As part of the pre-race publicity campaign, the former world pursuit champion Tony Doyle led a "media-ride" along the race route land believing this would be preferable to a day in the office, I volunteered to test the route for the Kent Messenger Group. This is how it went.

Rochester

0-3 miles: Temperature 30 degrees. A "peloton" of seven riders sets off along the Esplanade and then up the steep climb of Shorts Way, at about 7mph.

Asked how much faster he would have ridden this hill in his professional days, Doyle, who having retired a decade ago has understandably put on a few kilos, says: "Significantly quicker. But what you never

forget is the suffering. That stands you in good stead."

He grins. Cycling is about finding a sustainable level of agony, as the rest of us are about to find out.

Pilgrims Way

3-8 miles: The peloton climbs up the Pilgrim’s Way towards Burham, dives through Eccles, cheats a little by going over the old Aylesford Bridge. Then we take a planned detour to avoid the traffic-chocked A20 and A228, climbing through Ditton and descending into Wateringbury.

Doyle and Nick Collins, the head of the DFL cycling team, have never ridden through this part of Kent before and both are spellbound by the scenery.

The A26

9-39 miles: Unplanned detour. We miss the turning for Paddock Wood and instead take the A26 into Tonbridge.

This happens at the highest levels of cycling. In 1988, Scotland’s Robert Millar lost a stage of the Tour de France when he went down a cul-de-sac instead of heading for the finish line.

We’ve gone off the route and are instead tackling the fourth category Quarry Hill , to be climbed in the 2007 Tour de France. It’s an easy ascent – the trouble is when you get to the top you can’t turn left onto the A21, meaning we’re even further off course and have to go through Tunbridge Wells.

Goudhurst Hill

40-57 miles: From the Green Cross Inn, the pace drops from about 20mph to just 11.

By the time we get to the Star and Eagle pub, the summit for the King of the Mountains competiton, it’s down to eight. Collins leads, I’m five seconds behind him and Doyle has been dropped! This can’t be right. It isn’t. Doyle was on his phone, taking it easy . Our detour means we’re behind schedule.

Tenterden

58-61 miles: The former world champion ups the pace, towing us to Tenterden. The Tour riders will sprint here, outside the White Lion pub. We, however, are dehydrating.

The temperature is 31.5 degrees now. A lunch stop has been arranged at Tenterden Vineyards, but the only thing anyone can drink is water. A 45-minute stop recharges the batteries.

Doyle’s bike-handling skills may have contributed to a cavalier attitude to road safety. As we’re leaving the vineyard, a sports car is approaching. I stop. Doyle pulls out. The irate driver lets rip with a stream of anglo-saxon. Doyle responds by saying: "Calm down Grandad."

Lympne

61-75 miles: The B2067 takes us through purgatory. Constant undulations that sap the strength. Why, I wonder, can’t we just have a hill?

Then we get a hill, at Lympne and it’s agony, although there’s always somebody worse off than you are. The man from the Sunday People has been riding without cycling shoes. He groans: "I need some van action" and climbs into the back-up vehicle.

"You didn’t tell me about this one," whimpers the man from Cycling Plus. As the "local," I’m supposed to have some knowledge of these roads but I’d forgotten this hill – and there’s worse to follow.

Stone Street

76-93 miles: Farthing Corner, Hades. Feet scalding. Head cooking. Shoulders humming. Arms frying. Legs decomposing.

Why did I think this would beat a day in the office? When we were stll capable of conversation, nobody broke the taboo concerning performance enhancing drugs. Now I have a question: "Where can I get some?"

Struggle at 5mph to the summit – the Tour de France will climb this hill in 2007 at least three times faster. We’ve skipped the section through Folkestone and Dover, but Doyle tows us along the Roman Road. The rest of us find a second wind and manage 18-21 mph in his slip-stream.

He doesn’t appear to be breaking sweat and is raving about the scenery. The pros will be doing well over 30mph along here.

Canterbury

93 miles: I have happy memories of the St Lawrence ground but never in my life have I been as glad to see the Nackington Road end.

All we now have to do is survive the ring road, in more than one sense, and "sprint" (i.e. crawl behind Doyle) to the finish line on Rheims Way.

We may not have followed the route religously but we did manage the distance in just under six hours. The Tour of Britain peloton will probably do it in four.

I practically have to peel myself off the frame, wondering if I can use Floyd Landis’ hip now that he’s finished with it.