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Two women who lost loved ones to suicide encourage others to speak out on Time to Talk Day
05:00, 01 February 2024
updated: 11:53, 01 February 2024
Losing a loved one to suicide often leaves many questioning why someone chose not to open up about the despair they were facing.
Here, two women who have experienced such tragedy tell their stories in the hope it will encourage others to talk about their struggles...
To the outside world Ravi Ghowry appeared to have everything to live for.
The popular 30-year-old from Herne Bay had a loving family, a decent job and was renowned for helping others.
But on September 12, 2016, the world came crashing down for his parents and three sisters when they received a devastating phone call.
Ravi, who was described as “the best brother in the universe”, had taken his own life, leaving a note saying suicide had “become the only and best option for me”.
His family knew he had been feeling down but never suspected it would end so tragically for the keen hockey player, who was a talented photographer and computer wizard.
“We knew he had depression, but not for how long,” said one of his sisters, Lhara.
“I never had a sense of how vast his torment had been, and I’d been adamant that he would never do anything stupid because my brother was the most sensible person I knew.”
Speech and language therapist Lhara, 36, had tried to encourage her brother in different ways without talking directly about his depression, which she feared might push him away.
“I talked with him about getting a dog because he lived alone and it would have been companionship,” she said.
“I also called or texted him to ask him things that only he knew the answer to because it seemed there was nothing he didn’t know or couldn’t fix.
“In my mind, it was my way of telling him how important he was in my life. I never said those words out loud because I thought he already knew. But maybe I was wrong.
“Now, I would definitely recommend talking and being frank about those conversations rather than shying away from them.”
Ravi attended Simon Langton Boys’ School in Canterbury before joining Chatham and Clarendon House Grammar School in Ramsgate, where he was deputy head student.
He went on to graduate in aeronautical engineering, later gaining a key job with National Grid, but also enjoyed spells working at the Thanet school, where he would often return to volunteer his computing expertise.
Staff there remember him as “generous, positive, funny, intelligent and kind”.
Ravi took his own life at the ground of Reading Hockey Club, where he played and volunteered.
More than 150 people, including Ravi’s other sisters, Asha and Seeta, attended his funeral at Barham Crematorium, near Canterbury.
“I can’t convey in enough words just how much my brother gave to the world,” said Lhara.
“The lives he touched, the happiness he gave, the warmth he created – what he achieved in his short lifetime is more than many of us could ever hope to achieve in ours.
“If Ravi had truly realised how valued he was by all of those who attended the service, as well as those who couldn’t, would it have been enough to make him stay?”
Lhara is sharing her brother’s story on Time to Talk Day, an initiative launched by mental health charity MIND to encourage people to talk about their struggles or feelings of despair.
Michelle Dore is another who wishes her son Maxi Timberlake, 17, had opened up before choosing to take his own life a year ago.
The teenager’s death on the railway line near his home in Sandwich was a devastating shock for his family and friends because there were no signs he was struggling in any way.
In fact, everything was going to plan. The Sir Roger Manwood’s pupil had just been offered a place at his preferred university to study politics, passed his driving tests and got his first car.
"He was surrounded by love, was popular at school and doing brilliantly,” said his mum.
“There was not a single moment that I ever thought ‘he seems sad’.
“He had no mental health issues whatsoever and was communicative, happy and had so much to live for.”
But deep down Maxi was harbouring dark thoughts, which Michelle believes may have grown out of proportion when she later learned a girl her son had fallen for had told him she was returning to Mexico.
Michelle, 55, who works in administration for the NHS, said: “I can only imagine the heartbreak just hit him hard and then, in that moment, he made an irrational choice that I never, ever thought he would.
“But I hadn’t the slightest inkling anything was wrong because he seemed so happy and content, and that’s the frightening thing.”
Now, Michelle says that despite her broken heart, the loss of Maxi and his memory drives her daily to try and do things for others and raise awareness of the mental health of young people that can be hidden in plain sight.
Last September, she completed a 200-mile charity walk with two other similarly bereaved mums, raising more than £420,000 for Papyrus UK Prevention of Young Suicide.
“I will never ever understand why in that moment he chose to do what he did, but I cannot change it,” she said
“But I would urge anyone with suicidal thoughts to talk to someone close to them because the reason for their despair and sadness doesn’t have to be the end.
“I have told Maxi’s many friends that if ever they feel that onset of despair, they must talk to someone.
“Everyone has mobile phones and there is always someone who will listen and help.
“I wish Maxi had just talked it through with me and we might have got through it.”
MIND says that one in four of us will experience mental health issues in our lifetimes, but talking about it remains a stigma they are trying to eradicate.
New research released to mark Time to Talk Day – which is supported by KentOnline’s End the Stigma campaign – reveals how the nation is still putting a ‘brave face’ on to avoid talking about mental health during difficult times.
Almost two-thirds of 5,000 people surveyed confess to concealing their struggles, with alarming numbers among young people
But the consequences of not opening up are stark, says MIND.
Individuals can feel withdrawn, isolated and less able to socialise. More worryingly, a quarter report a worsening of mental health when they leave things unsaid and bottled up, underscoring the urgency of open and honest conversations.
“Sometimes it’s easier to tell people we’re ‘fine’ than it is to say how we really feel,” say charity bosses.
“But we want everyone to feel comfortable talking about mental health – whenever they like.
“Our recent research shows how important open conversations in communities are to support everyone’s mental wellbeing.”
For more information go to Time To Talk.
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