Greenhithe father speaks out to help others after being raped as a 13-year-old child
16:41, 03 November 2019
updated: 08:48, 04 November 2019
A father has spoken about his nightmare of being raped as a child.
Rob Bradley, from Greenhithe, has made the decision to waive his anonymity and speak of his torment 26 years on.
The 46-year-old grew up in Derry, Northern Ireland, where he was abused every Wednesday after school as a 13-year-old.
But it wasn't until he was 40 that he had any recollection of the events.
"What if one day, you wake up at the age of 40, and up until that day, you had honestly for 26 years not known you were raped every week for two years?" He said.
"It started with nightmares, blurred images, but I knew one of them was me, a younger me. And it all started in 2012, just after my first child was born."
He suddenly began to relive the moments he was raped as a teenager.
"I would just collapse into a ball on the floor and it could last minutes or hours," he explained.
"I was physically knackered and my body was aching all over.
"I knew I needed help, and found a therapist, but as more details came out, and more memories returned, I found my greatest enemy as a survivor was shame and guilt, these were all I could feel.
"I could not look people in the eye, opening up to my therapist, the shame led to tears, to endless crying."
The IT worker admitted the experience and flashbacks had taken a toll on his marriage, which later fell apart, while at the same time he lost his mother.
"I have no more shame, you do not have to either, it is possible." - Rob Bradley
Mr Bradley realised after attending therapy that he was a gay man, and claims his partner was too "ashamed".
He said: "My wife ran off with my son, the shame was too much, the shame of my childhood rape, and also the fact that I found out through going to therapy that I had been running from my sexuality because of the shame.
"My partner was extremely homophobic, so the possibility I was gay was 10 times more shame on top. I remember sitting in my car after my mother’s funeral, after my ex had gone, my head was in my hands, tears flowing and ready to give up again."
Aged 40 at the time his life "began to collapse" - he would sit on his sofa daily, failing to get dressed, washed or eat.
"This went on for months," Mr Bradley said.
"I was close to losing my job, working from home but I was not actually doing any work. And from February 2014 through until May I was a mess, contemplated taking my life so many times, and so many times rang support lines, SurvivorsUK, Samaritans, and many others."
In 2014 the Greenhithe man met his new companion and opened up about being raped as a child before coming forward to the police in 2017, who he claims arrested an elderly man and were in the process of charging him before he died at the age of 92.
Mr Bradley said: "He died knowing I came forward, he died knowing he did not get away with it.
"I never asked for his abuse, I never wanted to do it, I wanted to stop it every time, however he was an abuser, picked me because he knew I was vulnerable, drugged me with LSD, and then took photos, which he threatened to show my family and friends if I did not continue."
"Five years ago my life was over, I no longer had any purpose, and the shame was so much." - Rob Bradley
Now, happily married after a wedding in 2018, he decided to share his story to help anyone else who has experienced a similar tragedy.
He said: "Five years ago I thought my life was over, I no longer had any purpose, and the shame was so much. Who would ever want to talk to me? How wrong I was.
"I have no more shame, you do not have to either, it is possible."
