The mother of an autistic boy who lost his dad in a tragic scuba diving accident has branded a special educational needs (SEN) school “callous” for denying her son a place.

Rosie Gill-Moss had hoped to secure a spot for 10-year-old Hector at the private West Heath School in Sevenoaks, which professes to specialise in helping children whose learning has been impacted by trauma.

She says she was forced to apply for a place after learning her local SEN secondary school in Bearsted does not accept children with social, emotional or mental health needs.

But bosses at the £58,800-a-year West Heath - which has many pupils funded by Kent County Council (KCC) - rejected the application, arguing Hector would “struggle to access” its curriculum.

Mrs Gill-Moss disputes this as her son has been managing to work at the expected level for his age group while attending a mainstream school in a class of 30 pupils. West Heath School has just four students per age group.

The ruling has devastated Mrs Gill-Moss, who believes her son is being punished for how his father’s death has impacted him, with notes showing school assessors had concerns about Hector’s behaviour and attitude to learning, comparing him to previous “highly oppositional” pupils.

Mrs Gill-Moss says the decision has left her with little choice but to enrol Hector in an online programme and support him from home, as the nearest suitable school is almost 50 miles away.

“It’s just horrible that something that happened to him that wasn’t his fault is now limiting his education,” said the mum-of-four from West Malling.

“When I got the rejection, I really wasn’t expecting it and I just burst into tears. It was horrible. I felt like I’d been punched because it was a very abrupt paragraph that just said they don’t think he can meet the curriculum and ‘good luck’, basically.

“I just felt sadness and despair. It brought on quite a significant panic attack because I just thought where do I go now? I’ve literally exhausted all the options for my kid and I really felt powerless and hopeless.”

Hector’s dad, Ben Moss, died in 2018 after failing to resurface following a scuba diving expedition.

The 42-year-old, whose youngest child was just six months old at the time, had set out to explore the site of the sunken SS Loanda.

But it is believed he never made it to the shipwreck, having vanished just moments after entering the water.

Despite desperate searches by specialist diving teams, helicopters and lifeboat crews, his body has never been found.

Mrs Gill-Moss says the tragedy had a significant impact on Hector, whose autism means he is easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli and makes remaining in the classroom a challenge.

“He was five years old when his dad died very, very suddenly with many unanswered questions,” she explained.

“He became very angry and he lashed out, not to me particularly, but he didn’t want to be in the same room as my dad and he would hide if we had visitors. He was like a cornered animal and it took a lot of love to bring him back.

“When he was first diagnosed and the specialist said that we should consider autism I was so surprised.

“All the behaviours that caused him to require support at school, the lashing out, the running out and the attachment, all the ‘hard-to-teach’ aspects of his condition have been exacerbated, if not caused, by the death of his dad.

“So I just feel like he’s being punished for something that he’s already hurting from.”

The mum alleges that during Hector’s two visits to West Heath a small incident prompted a member of staff to incorrectly identify her son as having pathological demand avoidance (PDA).

PDA is a diagnostic term, frequently associated with autism, which describes behaviours driven by extreme avoidance of everyday demands and expectations. Traits recognised within the condition include impulsivity, mood swings and appearing controlling or dominating.

During the incident in question, Hector – who does not like bananas – had refused to wash up after making banana bread, telling the assessor: “I’m not your slave.”

Mrs Gill-Moss, 42, recalled: “She said the school already has one student with PDA, we can’t have another one. I bristled a bit and said well Hector hasn’t got it.

“When you think about the rigmarole that goes into getting a child screened for any sort of neurodiversity or mental health condition, it is no picnic. It takes weeks, months or even years actually if you can’t afford to go private.

“So for her to just take a look at my son within half-an-hour, having never met him before, and make this judgement is frustrating.”

Following the rejection, Mrs Gill-Moss contacted her MP, Tom Tugendhat, for support and he wrote a letter outlining her concerns to the school.

Mr Tugendhat told KentOnline: “I am working with Mrs Gill-Moss to get the most appropriate school place possible for her son.

“Given his needs, it is important that this is taken into account by all potential schools and I am continuing to do what I can to assist.”

In reply to the MP’s letter, West Heath’s principal Photini Bohacek wrote: “We always aim to make decisions which we feel are in the best interest of the child and would not want to accept a student whose placement may break down and cause more trauma.

“The school understands that Mrs Gill-Moss is upset with the decision not to offer Hector a place but the school firmly believes Hector may benefit from a provision that would enable him to experience a higher level of control over his learning where it can be more child-led and therapeutic in nature.

“I trust you understand and acknowledge that the school, as previously advised, always aims to make decisions which are in the best interest of the child, sadly we cannot accept every prospective pupil.”

Although West Heath is a private school with an annual turnover of over £9 million, many of its pupils' fees are funded by KCC due to their additional needs.

Mrs Gill-Moss feels this makes it vital that its admissions policy is transparent, and has repeatedly requested the school makes it clear why Hector’s application was rejected.

In notes she forced the school to hand over, which detail the decision-making process the admissions team went through, a member of staff compares Hector to previous “highly oppositional” students.

The admission notes continue: “I have concerns regarding this student and the behaviours he demonstrates and his attitude toward learning - unless on his terms.

“It is tricky to give a fair answer as to whether we can meet need. We are certainly a little cautious.

“He seems anxious and this appears to cause a reaction of low participation/rudeness in order to stop the demand. Perhaps there are demand-avoidant traits?

“He is also clinging to mum but in quite a demand-heavy manner which she responds to by appeasing him with what he wants or attempting to explain his behaviours and minimise them. The attachment challenges are totally understandable. Hector's dad died very young in very tragic circumstances.”

West Heath has recommended two alternative schools to Mrs Gill Moss - one in Sevenoaks that does not accept children with needs like Hector’s, and another almost 50 miles away in Horsham.

Mrs Gill-Moss now wants West Heath to apologise for the way it has handled Hector’s application.

Addressing the school directly, she said: “My child has suffered so much in such a short time and the callous way you have dealt with this is utterly shameful.

“Your school was set up to support children exactly like Hector and you have failed in your duty of care. I will absolutely not let this rest.”

West Heath did not respond to requests for comment.