Lucie Holness from Herne Bay reveals how living with a stammer can leave her in pain and what has helped her cope and learn to speak more fluently
05:00, 01 October 2024
updated: 11:19, 01 October 2024
Imagine having a speech impairment that is so severe it causes physical pain just trying to talk - that’s the reality a young woman says she regularly experiences.
Lucie Holness has had a stammer her whole life and is learning to face her daily struggles but says she takes on the “ongoing battle” with a smile on her face.
The 24-year-old from Herne Bay says that in some weeks she is left in agony trying to get her words out when the condition is particularly bad.
Stammering, also sometimes referred to as stuttering, affects speech and is relatively common in childhood but can also persist into adulthood.
It is estimated that stammering affects around one in 50 adults, with men being approximately three to four times more likely to stammer than women.
For Lucie, she says her stammer first started when she began to speak properly at about age three.
And although she can speak a lot more fluently now than she could about one year ago, she says it is something that she has to combat every day.
“I haven't ever really had the chance to talk fluently,” she told KentOnline.
“It's almost about self-acceptance and just accepting that this is the way you are, you will have to constantly fight it and working with it rather than against it.
“It's a hike, not a sprint and this hike is still going on for miles.”
Lucie says when she was in school, she was very overt with her stammer which meant it was quite prominent.
“I couldn’t hide from it,” the 24-year-old said.
“As it's all in the diaphragm if you're stressed, it contracts, and where it contracts, you feel panicked. Since you're so panicked, you just can't say what you want to say, even though you're really, really trying
“When I was at my worst, I would get home sometimes and I was in agony with the core and how much that hurt and my shoulders as they were so tight...”
“That's when you have to take a step and relax yourself and breathe and just say, right, okay, let's start again in a minute once I calm myself down.”
Lucie explained that when she is experiencing a moment of being unable to get her words out, it feels like she is holding her breath.
“You feel that tightness on your core and then that tension travels up to your shoulders and your shoulders feel tight and sometimes your throat or even your jaw,” she said.
“When I was at my worst, I would get home sometimes and I was in agony with the core and how much that hurt and my shoulders as they were so tight.
“I haven't ever really had that jaw tension as I had proper talking blocks so I would feel it a lot in my core and my chest.”
She added: “My worst always fluctuated. I thought when I was about 12 years old, I was at my worst.
“However, I was probably at my worst only a year ago.
“I would be so severe and then for maybe one week, or two weeks, it would start to get okay again, and then I just drop again.
“That wasn't even circumstantial, it was just so fluid that it would just happen sometimes unexpectedly and that was probably the most frustrating thing about it.”
Lucie, who has worked as a carer since the age of 16 and still is in the profession, says when she is having a flare-up, she will choose to speak less and notice that she is a lot more fatigued.
She also uses the gym and singing as outlets, as when she sings it completely goes away and told of how her hopes of acting in school were almost dashed due to her speech impairment.
Lucie said she first enjoyed acting in primary school but she was not very self-conscious about her stammer then.
However, in secondary school, she would only help backstage and not partake in the show on stage.
But, when she was about 14, she spoke to her drama teacher who told her to go for it.
"She just said to me, Lucie, there is zero judgment, just shine like you normally do. I then did my first show.
"It was Alice in Wonderland and I only had a tiny speaking role. However, that was like that first step of right, okay, I've said one line.
"Then I took part in a musical the next year as when I sing, it completely stops.
"You hear that a lot with stammerers, when they sing it's fluent as you're using another part of your brain.
"I also think it's to do with the fact that they all flow the words as it's not you're just talking it's in tune is a song."
“Singing is almost an outlet sometimes if I'm just having a really tough day with my speech...”
Lucie says that after secondary school, she went on to do drama at A-level and had a lot of speaking roles, but would always adapt them so that the character had a stammer.
"If the character has a stammer, I won't have to stress out," she said.
"Singing is almost an outlet sometimes if I'm just having a really tough day with my speech.
“When I'm having a tense week, I tend to train at the gym a lot, take more hot showers to ease the physical tension, and I would choose when to even try and talk.
“That's something I'm still trying to work on as I want to get to the point where even if I'm experiencing tension, I'm still going to attack it and try. However, I would probably go very quiet.
"Nerves play a massive part. Talking to you for example, I started off having a lot of tension and really trying to breathe properly because I was so nervous.
“However, with a friend or family member it’s easier to control some days because they know me and my speech.
“Hormones also affect it. I have endometriosis and I feel that hormone change a lot and when I'm at a certain point in it, I really feel that change and I'm so tense with the way I talk.”
The NHS says it is not possible to say why someone starts stammering but advises it is not caused by anything parents have done while trying to teach a child to talk.
It says because speech development is a complex process involving communication between different parts of the brain and the muscles used for breathing and speaking.
But when these networks and so-called wiring, or neural pathways, are not working in a co-ordinated way it can cause repetitions and stoppages.
In February 2024, Lucie joined The McGuire Programme which helps people with stammers to learn new techniques to help them speak more fluently.
Lucie says the programme has helped her to learn physical techniques to ensure that she can say exactly what she wants to say and gave her a brilliant confidence boost.
So far, she has completed three courses which end with her going out and speaking to 100 strangers in public.
When asked what she would like people who do not know what it is like to have a stammer to know, Lucie said being engaged with the person with the stammer is vital.
She explained that holding eye contact with them is helpful, as well as being patient with them, as sometimes it can take some time for them to say what they want to.
“I have never envisioned a life with fluency because my stammer was so obvious,” Lucie explains.
“I’m happy just having control, using my techniques and not being so introverted.
“This will always be an ongoing battle but it’s one I’m now doing with a smile on my face.”
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