deaton@thekmgroup.co.uk

I GAVE up on promises a long time ago. It wasn’t a rash decision following a “promise to be your best friend forever” fallout in the school playground, but years of childhood disappointment which finally exorcised my somewhat naive nature.
(Not) forgotten are the promised ice-white American-style roller boots, the bang-on-trend black satin Olivia Newton-John trousers (forgive me, it was 1978 after all), the genuine Dusty Bin mascot (rather than a fake market-bought crossed-eyed substitute even TV host Ted Rogers would find hard to love), or the constant reassurance that I would one day be as tall as my siblings – really, such false assurances are responsible for a lot of self-esteem issues!
So I was already reaching for Chapter 1 of How To Cope With Life’s Letdowns before I’d finished The Berkeley Hotel’s website boast that it could “promise the height of luxury and elegance”.
Bracing myself for more disillusionment, I headed off to Knightsbridge’s boastful five-star offering, fully expecting to notch up another empty promise to experience. I didn’t expect it to live up to its own hype, but its jaw-dropping suites are as desirable as its location, with decor straight out of a designer’s style book. Step inside the room’s elegant reception and you feel as though you’ve walked into your own swanky pied-a-terre.
The sumptuous surroundings are enough to hold you hostage – and if they don’t, the heavyweight duvet will, having pinned me down as expertly as a judo dan proving his prowess. After such unexpected exercise just trying to extricate yourself from bed, conserve a bit of effort to draw the weighty curtains.
And if that isn’t enough exertion, there’s always the rooftop pool and gym which is guaranteed to set the heart racing either for the spectacular views or the workout.
With Michelin-starred chefs Marcus Wareing and Pierre Koffmann occupying opposite ends of the century-old hotel, your taste buds are equally well attended to.
Pierre Koffmann previously claimed tenancy at the three Michelin-starred restaurant La Tante Claire before his comeback tour restored such favourites as hand-dived scallops with ink sauce and broccoli puree or his signature dish of pig’s trotter stuffed with sweetbreads and morels.
According to the hotel’s history, back in the day its restaurant was a popular venue for debutantes, one of the few places they were allowed to go unchaperoned. Its staff were trusted to keep a watchful eye on impressionable young ladies, and such exemplary service is still evident today – though I’m sure the hotel would nowadays be prudent to insist on an “at your own risk” approach to the potent cocktails on offer at the ever-popular Blue Bar. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed with all that The Berkeley has to offer. And that’s a promise!

Factfile

The hotel offers many prices and packages, with a weekend indulgence from £319 per night valid until December 31, 2012. For full details and availability, visit www.the-berkeley.co.uk or call 020 7235 6000.