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Husband from East Peckham whose wife had three stillborn babies praises Sands charity

06:00, 01 June 2019

A dad who has gone through the heartbreak of having three babies stillborn says not enough support is being offered to bereaved men.

Mike Pollard's wife lost twin boys at 19 weeks pregnant in 2017 a year after suffering a miscarriage - she lost another baby boy last year at 24 weeks pregnant.

He says much more needs to be done to make sure advice and help is offered to parents whichever hospital they go to.

Scroll down to hear Mike's story

Mike Pollard sought support from Sands after suffering the loss of three babies (11524137)
Mike Pollard sought support from Sands after suffering the loss of three babies (11524137)

Research by Sands has found almost a third of men suffering the trauma of losing a baby were not referred to a helpline or other sources of support.

The stillbirth and neonatal death charity is warning that when men don't get the right kind of bereavement support they can struggle to cope with their grief which can lead to mental health issues and even suicidal thoughts.

A baby is stillborn or dies shortly after birth in the UK, on average, every 90 minutes yet speaking about it is still a taboo for many men.

Mike, 33 from East Peckham, said: "The same day we were sent home from hospital and it was us reaching out to other people rather than them reaching out to us."

Kent Sands United football team (11514445)
Kent Sands United football team (11514445)

He contacted Sands after seeing a leaflet in a bereavement suite at hospital and is now part of a football team of dads who have all gone through similar experiences.

The player manager said: "We've now got about 30 dads who've all lost babies in one way or another from miscarriage right through to babies passing away early in their life.

"It's allowed us to be able to speak to other people in like minded situations and lean on others for their experience and support.

"It makes you feel you're not alone, that's the main thing. It's a very lonely place when you feel like it's only you and the world's doing you bad whereas when you speak to other people sadly they're going through the same situation."

He added: "It's not just a standard football team, we have people on the team who can help.

"We have befrienders from the Sands charity and they've been very helpful when I've been trying to deal with issues that I've never dealt with before.

"The more we talk about it the easier it becomes to talk about it and it's almost like venting your frustrations in public - it makes it easier to deal with."

Earlier this year KMTV met the team as they started training

Now, Sands is launching a digital awareness campaign called Finding Your Way to help more bereaved dads find the support that is right for them.

A survey on the website has found the stereotype that men should be 'strong' and bottle up their grief was revealed as potentially stopping some from getting help.

Two thirds of people also felt it was more socially acceptable for women to talk about baby loss.

Find out more about Kent Sands United via their twitter feed.

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