Against her better judgement, Broadstairs dominatrix and KentOnline columnist Melissa Todd agrees to join controversial YouTuber Pearl Davis for a heated debate on gender roles...

Pearl Davis believes that women shouldn’t have the vote. She wants to ban divorce, contraception, sex education and abortion.

She demands that trans people keep away from children. She has been described as the female Andrew Tate, a title she seems to relish, having interviewed him on her YouTube channel, as well as Piers Morgan.

Last week she invited me on too. And I thought, do I want to be associated with this lunatic, really? Obviously I’ll do anything for attention and book sales, but given Pearl had just put out a song entitled ‘Why can’t we talk about the Jews?’, maybe there is such a thing as bad publicity.

I asked my PR pal Mike for advice. He said if she became so offensive it ceased to be funny I should walk off set, which would make for excellent publicity. Also, one should probably engage with a woman who boasts two million YouTube subscribers, irrespective of her high nut content.

So, I packed my best frock and headed to Bethnal Green, where Pearl has a dedicated studio.

I was greeted first by a seven-foot, thirty-stone bouncer, not at all keen to respond to my delicate efforts at pleasantries. I guess when your business model involves inciting hatred, you will need some enormous angry security guards.

My bag was very thoroughly searched, and I wasn’t allowed to take it, or my shoes, on set.

Gradually some other women arrived, all vastly younger than me, to take their places on the sofa. Oh, and a token man, who sat in the corner.

We were all emailed contracts and given barely any time to read, sign and return them - this in flabbergasting contrast to my appearance on Channel 5, before which I spent an hour being grilled by a psychologist to confirm I was sufficiently psychologically robust to withstand the camera’s glare.

At Pearl’s pad I wasn’t warned I’d face hatred, or trolling, or abuse. Luckily I was ready for it. But I was appearing alongside a 20-year-old. How would she cope?

We waited for Pearl. We bonded on the balcony, indulging in a frenzy of cocktails and selfies, being on the 30th floor of a building in central London at sunset.

I scanned her Twitter (I refuse to call it X to pander to a billionaire’s insufferable ego. You know what I mean) and learnt the topic for tonight’s discussion panel was to be “Hoeflation”. No, I’d no idea either, so had a stealthy Google. Apparently it refers to the trend of men having to work harder than ever before to obtain lower-value women.

Modern chaps are expected to be muscular and wealthy in order to acquire wives who can’t cook or keep house, and worse, have a ‘high body count’, ie. many sexual partners. The idea of anyone being “lower value” than anyone else made my blood itch, as was doubtless intended. Suddenly I saw why I’d been invited along.

Pearl arrived, got us all to introduce ourselves with our age, marital status and a ‘fun fact’ (“I’m 46, married, and I’ve been a sex worker for 27 years!”, although I did consider telling her how much I love Jews, to start the evening on a pleasant note), before lecturing us on the hoeflation concept.

Pearl’s idea of a high-value woman seemed one prepared to bear as many children as possible - odd, during a climate catastrophe - and willing to remain a virgin until her wedding night. I made gentle fun of her extraordinary views, as much as I dared, given we’d been warned we’d be thrown off set if we caused trouble.

But, you know, genuinely, I felt sorry for her. She seemed to need a hug, and if it hadn’t been for the many morose taciturn bodyguards who continued to surround the set, I might have offered one.

She’s 26 now, Pearl, and by her own definitions sliding into becoming a low-value woman, being as she is still single and childless. Was all this attention-seeking behaviour just an effort to catch a husband and breed busily before the pearly eggs began to wither?

She was astonished I’d managed to get married, and have a child, despite my evident low worth. But I’m really not sure men are that desperate for virgins - not interesting men, anyway, who tend, in my experience, to prefer strong intelligent women, with their own minds and careers, their past experience adding to their allure.

But Pearl’s young, at least to my wrinkly old eyes. Maybe she’ll learn eventually. I hope it won’t be too late.

Me, I collected my bag, shoes, and valueless hoe self, and headed back to my beloved.