Eat My Words: We review Aspendos in Cecil Square, Margate, its 'authentic Turkish cuisine' and its turnip water
05:00, 13 April 2023
Over the decades, I've tasted plenty of weird and wonderful drinks. But turnip water? For money? That was a new one on me.
Under all normal circumstances, I'd probably steer clear. In the same way I would if someone offered me a refreshing glass of lavatory water. But when you've got the Eat My Words cap plonked on your head, it seems rude not to let a wider audience know just what it tastes like.
But first, dear reader, let's put this all in a little context.
It is Easter Monday. The day before was drenched in warm spring sunshine. Today, needless to say, it is chilly and raining.
Margate, a town rather reliant on nice weather to showcase its fabulous beach, entice people into Dreamland and permit all its eateries to allow folk to perch on outside seating is feeling the pinch - with the crowds clearly opting to stay at home.
So, with not one but two earmarked grub outlets I'd intended to review shut as a consequence, we find ourselves at the end of the High Street considering our options. And, like all good answers, it is staring me in the face.
Aspendos sits just off Cecil Square and offers panoramic views of the architectural monstrosity which is the town's magistrates court, and a view up the colourful and rejuvenated The Centre shopping precinct. You are not, it's fair to say, coming here for the vista.
It will be a familiar sight to anyone driving through the centre of the town, but sits just outside the main tourist drags of the seafront and DFL-adored Old Town.
Perhaps as a consequence, this building has changed hands with remarkable regularity over the last 25 years. It's been a wine bar, two different pubs and, more recently, was turned into a Turkish restaurant called Edessa.
Today, though, with Edessa joining the ranks of past tenants, it is Aspendos - part of a chain of Turkish restaurants which are liberally scattered across east Kent.
As we peer through the lunchtime window, there is one table occupied. Never a good sign. There is also no menu on display. We take a gamble.
This is a big place - potentially one of the biggest restaurants in the town - yet on a gloomy bank holiday, its warmth and background soundtrack of 1970s funk and soul is a welcoming one.
The decor is a bit, to put it nicely, in keeping with the era of the music.
It's like the sort of place you end up in on holiday - huge landscapes in relief adorn the walls. That sort of thing. It works. Strangely.
The Eat My Words budget rarely stretches to a slap-up meal - I've reviewed a dish of cockles in the past to give an indication of how tightly the corporate expenses account is controlled.
So we're here for the meze - modest sharing plates which allow three of us to eat and drink and for the bill at the end not to be closely followed by a P45 from my employers.
We go for the classics - stuffed vine leaves, taramasalata, garlic mushrooms, haloumi (which was billed as being "grilled to perfection") falafel and calamari. All range in price from between £6-8 each.
But first that drink order. I don't know why but my eyes immediately alighted on 'turnip water'. For £2.95. I ask the waiter what exactly it is.
He smiles and says it's turnip water. Fair enough. I order it. Why? I'll perhaps never really know.
The drinks arrive a few minutes later - and just after I've consulted Google and discovered that turnip water - of salgam to give it its proper name - is a traditional Turkish drink which may, or may not have healing properties.
The turnip water appears, with a straw, lulling me into a false sense of security by resembling a glass of Ribena.
I take a whiff and fear the worse. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, I take a decent slurp.
Apart from making a dreadful choice a few years back of having a taste of durian ice cream (durian, for those unaware, is renowned as the 'world's foulest-smelling fruit' and conjures up a pile of vomit - often literally) I've rarely gagged on anything before or since.
Turnip water, I can confidently say, comes a very, very close second.
If you can imagine popping down to Margate beach and scooping up a glass of sea water, then you're somewhat close to the taste of turnip water. In fact, were I a turnip, I'd argue it should be renamed. Health-giving qualities my backside.
The salt content alone is so strong it feels like I'm going to shrivel up like a prune there and then.
It lives with you too. All the salt sensors on my tongue remain scarred for the duration of the meal. Absolutely ruddy dreadful.
The second the waiter hovers into view again, a Diet Coke is ordered as a replacement.
I should have gone with my dining companions - they opted for a Turkish tea and coffee - both of which looked delicious (albeit the reports were more that both tasted just like English black tea and coffee rather than anything more exotic).
But don't let my poorly judged drink gamble deter you from this place.
The food is actually all very good - despite everything looking, at first glance, as if it will be totally underwhelming. I think because of the ABC of salad appears on many dishes - iceberg lettuce and some fat hunks of tomato.
There's no panache to the dishes in terms of visual appeal, but frankly the taste of each more than makes up for it.
The falafel is light and tasty with big chunks of chickpeas; the taramasalata a delight to mop up with the Turkish bread brought to the table.
The garlic mushrooms are packed with flavour and not overpowering, while the calamari comes in a crisp light batter.
But the standout was the haloumi. Fair play to them it was grilled to perfection and none of that annoying 'squeakiness' you can sometimes get that puts your (or at least my) teeth on edge.
In short, the food more than makes up for the aberration which was that turnip water.
By the time we leave, the place has actually filled up quite nicely - families, friends and couples enjoying the bank holiday.
On a distant table I notice someone else ordering the turnip water.
We all turn to watch - half hoping for the first mouthful to immediately be sprayed in startled disgust across their guests.
Sadly, they clearly rather like it. So perhaps it was just me. I rushed home and brushed my teeth to get the salty taste out of my mouth.
Ratings out of five:
Food: The spread brings to mind the old adage - don't judge a book by its cover. It looked like it was all going to be be underwhelming - but actually tasted pretty impressive. I'd scrap the outdated uninspiring salad garnish, mind. ****
Drink: I know I shouldn't in this day and age, but I do think £2.90 for a glass of Coke is a bit steep. Also, the teas and coffees may have been served up in fancy cups, but they were disappointing. And let's not return to the turnip water debacle. **
Decor: Odd, in a word. But it strangely works when you've been strolling around a rainy Margate. Its big, and a little brash, but definitely something a bit different. ***
Staff: Friendly, swift and they gave us all a Turkish delight on the way out. What's not to like? *****
Price: For three of us, including drinks (and that includes an extra one to wash away the turnip water) was just under £53. Which for the amount of food we had, was a good deal. ****
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