It was so quiet I found myself all on my lonesome at The Ship, but fortunately it wasn’t long before the barmaid raised her head above the bar and doubled the number in the pub.

It was 3.30pm on a Saturday and, in the absence of any customers, she’d taken advantage of the downtime to clean out and restock her fridges.

Faced by rows of empty red velveteen seats, I asked if it was usual for this Sutton-at-Hone boozer to find itself this empty at the weekend?

But before my question could be answered a young man ran through the door, straight behind the bar and started taking bottles from a fridge.

I assume this young fellow has a link to the pub as he then shouted to his mates outside in the car to see if they wanted their ‘bottles for the road’ opened now.

The answer must have been ‘yes’ as bottle tops flew and the car raced off to head for a music festival in south London.

Following this road trip stock-up I managed to get the barmaid’s attention long enough to order and, for no particular reason, swerved the traditional blue Courage pump in favour of a handwritten, paper 3.8% Wandle Firkin.

I took my beer and secured a seat in front of a TV screen showing some lacklustre Olympic event while she returned to her fridges and, in the absence of any other customers, chatted to herself.

However, after 10 minutes or so we were joined by a local Geordie – he only moved to Kent 24 years ago, so perhaps it’s not surprising his accent is still almost incomprehensible!

Also unsurprisingly, he chose a bottle of Newkie Brown.

He’d walked up from The Millers (Jolly Miller) and even this short distance had taken its toll on his very hefty brown hound, Roxy, who immediately flopped to the floor.

Like Roxy, I wasn’t too interested in the chza\and concentrated instead on an impressive looking SHAGS cabinet.

The Sutton at Hone Golf Society is clearly a big thing so I spent a few moments checking the previous winners in the locked trophy cabinet before going off to explore the rest of this cavernous, largely empty, hefty black and white building.

The room to the left, containing a pool table, a dartboard a jukebox and a bike was as silent as the rest of the place but I also discovered a steep flight of steps at the back leading to an outside space at the back.

There were a number of new-looking picnic tables, all empty of course, but it’s a reasonable space to enjoy the sunshine and was clean and tidy. And make sure you heed the ‘mind your head’ sign on the way back down, I was certainly glad I did.

By the time I got back to the bar a few more folk had filtered in and I was greeted by a sharp bark from a dog, who was obviously disappointed his owner had left him in the van while he visited the bar. It was difficult to tell but I think the Kent Geordie was recounting a ‘short’ story about his visit to Bluewater to buy new pants.

Roxy still hadn’t been impressed enough by anything happening in the bar to actually move.

The Wandle Firkin had seemed a good idea and was served with a decent head but it didn’t live up to expectations and was decidedly flat as I worked my way down the glass.

As a result I switched to a pint of Cruzcampo and was pleased I decided to make the extra 70p investment.

I didn’t fully understand the significance of the toilet labels, Buoys and Gulls, until I ventured inside and found the gents smelling of fish – they looked clean enough, so where the aroma might have been coming from I have no idea, although I did notice the lid on the bin was missing I chose not to investigate further.

By the time I needed to leave there were a few more folk dotted around on the red velveteen chairs and benches but the barmaid did confirm this was one of the quietest Saturdays she’d experienced for several months and would be keeping her fingers crossed it got busier later.

As I walked back up the road I could help spotting a recycling box at the front of one house near the pub – judging by its contents I’d say the pub might be empty because the locals are choosing to drink at home instead.

The Ship, 218 Main Road, Sutton at Hone, Dartford DA4 9HP

Decor: It is dated but it’s also about as traditional as it’s possible to be and there’s plenty of brown wood as well as a proper carpet. Most areas looked clean and fairly tidy. **

Drink: I was in an adventurous mood so, despite the handwritten sign, I sampled the Wandle Firkin. It looked good with a creamy head, but sadly I wasn’t too far into it before it fell flat. The more predictable Cruzcampo lager was probably a better choice. **

Price: The 3.8 per cent Wandle Firkin was a fiver and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps £1.40. The Cruzcampo lager will set you back £5.70. ***

Staff: The barmaid was perfectly pleasant and helpful and even tried to decipher full-on Geordie but she was happier restocking the fridges. ***